Charon's Boat

The List Grows Apace

One of the most infamous genres of EMC is the teenager who gets Uber-Mind-Control-Powers! This power-infused young man, it's almost always a young man, then proceeds to get revenge upon, enslave, and have sex with all the women in his life. It's become such a cliche that Billy Ray has written a fantastic parody of this genre which incorporates the situations, poor writing, and dizzying array of over-the-top euphemisms for the male and female sexual anatomy (my personal favorite is "thrill drill"). That story is titled "Dramatic Saga of Peter Q. Kleeshay".

The story I'm adding to the list is in this genre, but it has none of the cliches. Instead, this is more like The Twilight Zone episode "It's a Good Life", and it's a spooky, disturbing ride.

In this story, the narrator is writing a type of confession. He has the power to influence minds, but his knowledge of the real-world implications of his fantasies remainds vague. Instead, he sees a woman then spins a scenario in his head, and by implication, we discover that everything in his scenario comes true. But the narrator never meets nor has any kind of contact with his victims, except in his mind.

It's also clear that the the narrator is insane, and the one person who seems to have influence over him is his psychiatrist. Their relationship is never made plain since it's distorted through the narrator's eyes, but there are strong hints that she is terrified of him, and her eventual fate is not a good one.

The story is Character Flaw by Orestes.  Here's a sample:

Anyhow, I guess I must have been reading some stories on the internet. That's where I got some of my early ideas. That's where I became a little obsessed with bondage. Hell, it was like a smorgasbord for me back then, and bondage was just my favourite cuisine at the time. Chicken a la Parker !

My fantasies about Anne went that direction. Strangely enough, I think I had some intuition that these kinky fantasies weren't all fiction. I mean, Anne developed a taste for gothic attire soon afterwards, and began hanging out with friends who all seemed to be looking for the next big thrill.

When I was in my room jerking off at night, I knew that Anne was sneaking out her bedroom window. I could almost picture every moment of her evening as she joined up with her new friends, and began to experiment with tying each other up, and spanking each other, and forced sex acts.

It was all pretty coincidental, really. When I imagined that she was being anally raped by her new friends at night, I could see Anne having difficulty walking the next day. When I imagined that she spent the night being whipped until her back was raw, I could hear her cursing the sting of the water in the shower the next morning. It was a weird symmetry between my fantasies, and Anne's reality that made me feel almost guilty when I saw her suffering from a lack of sleep, and a battered body.

This spooky trip is a great addition.

Building the List #2

I could have missed this story. The author does not have many stories on EMCSA, and from what I can gather is not active on the boards. So, I'm grateful to have caught this one. It is Lemma the Librarian by Midori Konton.

Lemma is a sorceress, a young, powerful, self-absorbed, intelligent, pretty (but no so pretty as she thinks), naive, volatile sorceress who because of the volatile, dangerous mix of character traits and power has been sent on a 'special' mission which has landed her in the backwaters of Lemura. The mission is to recover a group of stolen magical grimoires and return them to the library where they belong. She is bound to this duty by a spell which partially directs her actions. The grimoire in the first chapter is: Gender-Specific Glamours and Their Uses, by Soltad boSuntel the Surprisingly Popular

Lemma's character makes this story go. The story is written from her perspective, but her perspective is a well-executed example of an unreliable narrator which leads to most of the plentiful humor. Lemma's warped perspective on herself and events leads several clever moments of disconnect between what is happening and her reaction to those events. It also leads to her getting herself into serious trouble.

The mind control is interesting. The control is centered on character doing the controlling, leaving those influenced by it in a kind of netherworld when not in the controller's presence. They have their own minds and realize they are being controlled, but they also know they will continue to obey.

There's plenty of sex. Aside from the first scene, it's not a standout part of this story, but the first scene with and the the descent into the MC is plenty hot.

One note, this story is not complete. However, the first four parts make a complete chapter. This is what I'm recommending. I hope to recommend it all when it is complete. All in all, a nice addition to the list. I will make a page with them all in the next couple days.

Building the List

As I'm building my list of favorites from the EMCSA, I've reviewed a number of other people's lists, and there are a few authors which seem to be like mushrooms after a rainstorm, and the listmaker's particular bent seems to modify only the choice of story from the author, not whether the author is present. One of these authors is Tabico. One of her stories which gets quite a bit of attention is "Yellow".

I've tried to like this story, but for me, it's like a description I've heard of Tchaikovsky; there seems to be two of him: there's the one everyone loves and the one everyone respects. For example, everyone loves The Nutcracker ("Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy", "Waltz of the Flowers") or the 1812 Overture (who doesn't love a piece of music which uses cannon fire as a percussion instrument?). On the other hand, there're pieces everyone listens to once then say they respect such as the Sixth Symphony or the 1st Piano Concerto.

This is how I feel about Yellow. I respect it. It creates a wonderful world with different and interesting characters, but in the end, the squick doesn't work for me. "Lord May" is another matter.

A man and a woman are living together, are happy together, and are progressing well in their careers. A package is mis-delivered to their condo. Being good neighbors, they step over and give the package to the proper addressee who lives a few doors away. The neighbor is a gentlemen who refers to himself as Lord May, and is the height of courtesy and generosity. The man is parapalegic, but there is a stream of attractive women who seem quite taken by the man.

The reason for this is that he has invented a unique pleasure-giving system which I'll let you, dear reader, discover on your own by reading the story, and as the friendship between the couple and Lord May progresses, the woman is offered a chance to experience this system. Both the man and woman overcome their uneasiness because they are both drawn to the possibilities, one of which is that the woman's pleasure can be controlled via a remote control. This leads to a thermonuclear section after she's had the device installed, and they discussing it's use. This is a taste:

"Harder." She spread her legs a bit, dropped her head, braced her arms against the floor, tears still squeezing from her eyes. "Hurt me."

I slid the intensity knob up. My finger hovered over the button.

"Tom?" she asked, looking over her shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Call me a bitch, and push the button."

I blinked, but the look in her eyes was electric, demanding. I swallowed, then hardened my expression.

"Bitch," I said. "Take this." I pushed the button.

She shrieked and collapsed to the carpet, writhing and gasping, crying. Her eyes were flooding with tears. "Oh," she gasped, "oh. That felt... so..." She whimpered a bit, folding into a fetal position, hands across her chest.

"Good," she said at last, quietly, lying curled on the floor.

I was a bit disappointed in the ending; it was as though a villain was needed, and the character shoehorned into that role didn't fit into the slot, especially how the ending of the story left things much as they had been before the climax of the story, except with the 'villain' being viewed as 'bad'. However, there is an alternate ending which changes things some, but I don't believe it's any better.

Still, member #3 of the list, joining "Gospel" and "Trailer Park Tango" is "Lord May". Read it. Love it.

Picking Winners in Yellow

If the reds were long stories which attempted to integrate erotica with a larger story and greens were stroke, yellow operated in a middle ground. The longest story by a wide margin was Wiseguy's, Busman's Holidy which stretched into 92,000+ words, although I believe the part which was written in 2007 comes in at 5762 words. So, the longest 'pure 2007' piece was Capes and Cloaks: the Illithid's Tale which came in at just over 13,000 words

However, while these stories were shorter than reds and just a bit longer than green, I found them to be more experimental and pushed more into some areas of kink which are unfamiliar and in one case, a kink which is not for me. The official winner was again different from mine. This time, however, I think there's a good argument.

First up, Busman's Holiday by Wiseguy. The stories I've read by Wiseguy could happen, and in many cases, I suspect aren't too far from events which have ocurred. The truth is that there's not much of this naturalistic style on the EMCSA.

In the chapter submitted in 2007, the main character is completing a week as a stage hypnotist at a resort, and two of the other characters at the behest of a third play turnabout character to have a night of fun with him. After a wonderful night, however, the two women view that special night as a one-time event, and tell the protagonist that he must now choose between them.

Wiseguy's writing gets the job done. There's not much stylization, and the settings are common and familiar. It also does the often difficult task of not being noticed. It's a window into this world.

For me, this is part of the problem, and I'm left with in the position of saying that naturalism is not my preferred type of story, EMC or otherwise. Even if the story is portraying things which might occur, I want them to be presented in a stylized way. The other difficulty is that, like Madam Kistulot's, this is not a complete story. It's an episode from a much larger story which is not complete.

So, while I liked it, thought it was well-constructed and well-written, I can't pick it as a favorite because of my own preferences and because it's not a complete story.

Second up is Daddy Wants by Bad Penny. A woman, made to believe she's a little girl like Alice from Alice in Wonderland via a pair of magic socks, plays with her lover who is her 'Daddy'. At the end, of the story, however, a bunny named Miss Cotton has something to discuss with Alice after 'Daddy' gets worn out by their play.

The story has a great construction and does a fantastic job of creating the world where it lives, implying an entire series of events which led to where the story picks up. The voice of 'Alice' sounds right as well, even down to the repressed feelings which surface in the end.

Age Play is something I'm not into. I've read about it, and I believe I understand what the people who enjoy it get from it. I have to admit to some uneasiness with it though. So, I have say that it was well-done, but it didn't work for me erotically.

Third up is Femininism by miketheFable. A young feminist discovers Femininism for Dummies as she's searching the shelves of the library where she works. After reading it, her views on what makes a 'good woman' go through some... changes.

I thought the story was fairly well constructed. I got confused on some of the transitions between sections as to what's happening and the passage of time, and there were quite a few characters. But, like most bimbofication stories, the characters are usually types which is sufficient.

Bimbofication, for me, is a highly specialized version of a much larger kink which is a favorite of mine: transformation. To get me into it, the arc of the change needs to be well-done. I especially ask that either the before or the after picture be well-drawn. If it does both, it's got a chance to be special. I don't believe this story gave a great picture of either before or after.

Fourth was the official winner, Melted Music, by Frustrated. A woman is summoned to her lover's apartment, believing she has been invited to 'ride the music' on his stereo. He's not there when she arrives, but she goes for the ride anyway.

The story is not much on structure, but at just under 2200 words, it doesn't need to be. Instead, it's a riff of magic and music. There's some fun play on words as well, such as:

So I dance and sing, sing the scales and roll to the repeats, stagger for every second ending, triumph every third, oh, I'm just a minor third! I try not to get snared in the strings of the staff, the spider's web where notes close in on me, rush into me and make me glow, and flow, and oh! Drink my essence live, not blood but nectar, not pain but breathless ecstasy! Momma G, don't let them C, just let me B a dancing D for master, it makes me feel such E, such ecstasy, and I have to run, no, run, don't-- have to be A singing girl for master or F, I'll fail! Fail and fall off the scale, so I'm just a little clef, a little cleft, oozy and warm and here to be used, slick and singing little cleft dancing my drained mind away, writhing out of something, is it my clothes? My mind?

Even in this paragraph which I like, I catch it being clever, and the spinning rhythm of the world's she's riding becomes derailed. Not too often though, and I enjoyed it. It never became erotic for me though. The story was like listening to a beatnik poet in a coffeehouse full of people wearing black. I sensed that she was having a fun and erotic trip, but I didn't feel part of it.

Finally, my favorite, Capes and Cloaks: the Illithid's Tale by Samarkand. A young, mind-controlling super-villain on 'secondary diversion duty' is confronted by two young, naive super-heroines who are in over their heads.

There are some structural problems with this story, and near the end, it looks to have run out of steam before the story is complete. I believe a tight edit could make a huge improvement because the story idea, style of writing, and main character are very fun:

I was henching for Doctor Moebius when it all went down. This was during the Great New York Rumble last year, when the Doc tried to extort five billion from the financial services industry by threatening Wall Street with those giant cyborg sky-whales with lasers on their heads. You have to give credit to Moebius. The man has style. Not stable, but style. That's what's kept him in the game since the 30's. Also, awesome craft services. Hot and cold buffets, cute hostesses, the works. Nothing like heading back to the lair for some R&R after a hard day of terrorizing the innocent with prime rib waiting for you. I heart the Doc. Anywho, I was working secondary diversion duty during the Rumble. Doing pretty damn good if I say so myself. You can see me in the video of Hyper Lad getting taken down. That's me by the burning car. Grey body-armor with a helm and a mirrored visor, sort've Cobra Commanderish, with a black roquelaure and tabard. You can see my logo stitched in silver on the front--tentacles coiling around a stylized human brain. I designed it myself after my villain monicker, the Illithid.

This pace rolls for almost the entire 13,000 word length, but near the end, it does flag because the Illithid starts having qualms which makes for an interesting conflict, but it's just not handled well. Re-thinking some of it or some twist on it would make this the undisputed winner. This still was my favorite.

Unlike the Red and Green Sprials, I do think the awarding of Melted Music is justifiable. I just disagree, and it's a matter of taste because Melted Music is a superior piece of writing.

To wrap up, the lack of pure 'stroke' in the yellows surprised me. Where green was all stroke and only one red was, I expected the stuff with guys in charge to be more down and dirty. In the end, only Femininism and at a stretch Daddy Wants could be classified as stroke. Wiseguy's entry had a big sex scene in the middle, but at the end, I was left with more of a relationship feel than erotic charge. The stories here were trying to be something more, and even more than red, had a couple attempts at non-linear story-telling which I think worked.

Back tomorrow with a brief review and my favorite of favorites. (Yes, I know I'm skipping Purple and Cyan. I may get back to them, but I haven't read them all yet.)

Picking Winners in Green

Since this is my favorite twist within this particular kink, I expected to be torn by the stories here more than I was, but like red yesterday, I had a clear favorite, and again, I didn't think this was a close call.

What was interesting was the difference in the length and ambitions of the stories. With the greens, the longest was 7433 words, compared to Madam K's 74,000 word entry in red. The shortest red was 4464 words, which was longer than all but one of the greens.

First up, Homecoming by sara castle. A cyberpunk adventure with an MC twist. I like the idea of man-machine conflict and the cold machine overwhelming all passion and humanity by relentless assault. The trouble I had was that there wasn't anything behind the machine, it didn't want anything as best I could tell. I may have missed something since this story is part of a larger universe, and if I'd read the other stories, I might've understood things better. As a self-contained piece, I was missing too much.

Second was again by sara castle, Trinary. A prisoner, perhaps some sort of unearthed, ancient being, is being studied and programmed by a pair of scientists who are having a sexual relationship. As the two try to understand and control the prisoner, the brain patterns of the woman are being inserted into the creature's mind. So, the prisoner is taking on the emotions and motivations of the woman.

It was interesting to see the emotions of the prisoner rise as she received the patterns, but for me, the climax of the story was too quick and was hardly a struggle which disappointed me since the story was building towards that moment from the first paragraph then it happened without paying off what I believed it had promised. This is a rare occasion where I'd like to have seen the story be much, much longer. The idea is interesting, and I don't believe it got room to breathe.

Third was Bound by Name and Blood from Bad Penny. A fantasy about a man who ignores a time honored rule about travelling under the new moon and is captured by three magical, female creatures who are called Fair Ones. They dress the wounds which resulted from being thrown by his horse and give him food and drink. However, they ask for something in return.

The headstrong fellow ignores wisdom handed down to him, and it costs him far, far more than he could imagine. The difference here is what it costs and how the price is extracted. The writing was good, but I never felt for any of the characters. I had a little difficulty keeping track of the three women, and they had little to distinguish themselves from each other. All in all, not much for me to say. It is what it is, and I accept it and like it for that.

Fourth was the official winner, Chain of Command by HypnoticEye. An enormous conspiracy to give women the power to control and subjugate men. Ironically, the women are being controlled and modified to do this.

Huge Mind Control Conspiracies(tm) have been around a loooong time in EMC, and this one works pretty well. The inductions are good, and the small twist of one of the enslaved men being the source for the method by which women are gaining power over men was interesting. Like Bound by Name and Blood above, it is what it is, and I liked it for that. I thought it was better executed than Bound by Name and Blood, and that's why I prefer it, although I believe it could use another pass of editing, starting with the first paragraph.

The pretty, dark haired girl sat quietly on the subway, staring unblinkingly straight ahead, and ignoring the crowds sitting on either side. Only out of college for a few months, she still dressed like a typical college co-ed -- tight-fitting tank top and a denim mini-skirt that rose to mid-thigh. And of course, this being the New York subway, two white cords draped across her breasts running from the IPod in her left hand to the ear phones she was wearing.

I would drop the first sentence because not two paragraphs later, this happens:

The girl's eyes were glassy and her mouth hung open slightly. She barely moved, and even her breathing was nearly stilled. The only thing that mattered was the voice in her earphones, a voice that was expanding her mind with truths she had always known but never realized.

The story's four paragraphs old, and it's repeating itself. I would suggest making two paragraphs: one to describe her then one to describe what's happening to her.

Finally, my favorite: Trailer Park Tango by Gasman. A trailer-trash girl gets her hands on a magic pen and uses it to get revenge on the captain of the football team by rewriting his personality with it while he's forced to watch and feel it happen.

I have to admit, this is pretty spicy. This girl takes the guy apart, and turns him into a slave to the new desires she's writing into him:

This time she didn't even wait until she'd finished writing to look up. And this one was a firm, stern look: her eyes trying to bore through me. Oh please, who did she think she was? Again the itch in my brain stopped me from concentrating for a moment. Did she really think those smoldering green eyes staring into me would have any effect? Maybe it did make her seem kind of sexy... powerful even, but she wasn't going to get me to do anything just because of that. My arm twitched this time, almost trying to scratch the tickling sensation that was keeping me from focusing...

scritch

"Tut-tut, Mikey. Didn't anyone bother ta tell ya that it's not nice to stare at a woman without permission?" admonished Daisy as my heart resumed pounding, but with a new rhythm, one that was equal parts fear and excitement. "Be a good boy and see if ya can't tear them eyes away from mine for a bit. Feel free to have a look at the rest o' me, though. Ah kinda like the idea o' that horny mind o' yours gettin' that nice big cock all hard because o' li'l ol' me..."

Like the two previous stories, it is what it is, but this one is a top-of-the-line version. The clear winner in my mind.

In the end, there was a interesting dichotomy between the 3 'stroke' stories and Sara Castle's two. Her stories were far more ambitious story-telling wise and were superior to the stroke stories, with the exception of Trailer Park Tango, in craft. So, I'm left with the literary critic's last resort: Her stories are well-crafted, but I do not like them.

I was also surprised, as a class, how much better red was than green. I plan on writing about this later.

Back tomorrow with yellow.

Picking Winners

I can't believe I stopped reading the EMCSA for a while, almost a year. There are a number of explanations, but none justify it. Most of the time when it comes to habits, they revolve on eliminating bad things "for your own good", but I let a good habit of checking archive each week slip, and I'm getting back into it "for my own good".

This happened just in time for this year's Spiral Awards which crown the best EMC fiction of the year in the broad categories of Red(Girl-Girl), Green(Het Femdom) , Yellow (Het Maledom), Purple (Any and all combinations), and Cyan(Boy-Boy). Since I've not been keeping up, I decided to play along at home in Red, Green, and Yellow Here are the nominated stories and the winners.

I disagree with each choice of winner, beginning with Red.

The first nomination was 'Chains' by sara castle which was a co-winner.

Distorted, confused, and twisted reality or surreality is a difficult thing to pull off. It delves into non-causal actions and reactions which operate beyond human experience, at least my experience with reality, and as an author, wrangling this down into something understable is quite difficult. This story delves into it. Here is the kind of paragraph I tried to get my head around:

Tenebrous talons slashed into the flimsy wall, and the moans rose into a full-fledged howl. Chill air roared through the tattered hole, shredding the pale skin and whipping at her clinging shadows. She pushed, forcing her way forward, step by painful step. Agony, the like of which she had never known, sunk burning fangs into the base of her spine. The scream reverberated within the tight confines, drowning out everything else.

There are a number of sections like this, and my difficulty is that I will gain an impression but since it's just an impression, my view of what's happening will get destroyed a paragraph later, and I will be forced to re-read and adjust to the shifting reality in the story and in the writing. I will last for about three re-reads, and if I still don't get it, I move on and 'go with it', just accepting without understanding in the hope that the threads will weave later. However, if I'm forced to 'go with it' too often, I will give up because it's like climbing a sand dune; there's just no solid ground to get a foothold, and the effort becomes about trying to keep up with the shifting sand instead of climbing.

For anyone who thinks I'm being mean, this is what I've decided after trying much of David Lynch and most William Burroughs which is where Sara seems to be playing.   

The second red is The Happily by 8-bit. Straight-forward and well-written.  I enjoyed the lead character, especially the aspect of her being cunning and aggresive in such an innocent way, almost robotic as she sets out to take over the entire world, beginning with the girls who transformed her into the ruthless innocent. The ending was not much of a twist, but there was the element of erotic melancholy which always gets to me because the girls could see their fate coming and came to regret it even while they remained curious and terrified by its approach then remained self-aware enough at the end to feel the sting of it happening to the final victim. Good stuff. This was my runner-up.

The third entry is Ink Soaked Penumbra by Madam Kistulot which was the other co-winner. By far, the largest entry, and it is the further adventures of Madam K's Silver Girl. My favorite aspect of all her stories is how she's able to take pure mind control and make it erotic. Such as:

The surface of the mirror ripples as she slowly steps to the side, and I do my best to keep my eyes focused on both sights at once.

Inside of the mirror, colors begin to swirl and shift but it doesn’t feel hypnotic. It’s a cliché to think so, but I know that I could pull my eyes away from it at any time. After all, I can still see Yana’s dark lipped and mocking smile. Above the mirror that too big to believe ruby sparkles, and the swirling colors begin to take shape. Inside, flashes a montage of my weakest moments, and they still make me shudder to even imagine, much less see from the outside.

In the end, despite the parts I like, it is episodic. This is a part of a story. Silver Girl goes through any number of changes in this episode, but there's no finality. The story isn't over and looks to be ready and eager to continue.

Beside that, there are also moments where the story is self-aware, and I hate that even though I do it sometimes. For me, its when I'm lacking self-confidence in the quality of the writing. I will insert the flip remark about the story within the story as a wink to a reader as though "Yeah, I don't really take this seriously either." Regardless of why, it's distracting, and I hate when good stuff gets distracted.

So, thumbs up, but it wasn't my favorite.

Fourth is Marilyn: Cleaning Up by Flibinite. The purest form of MC erotica on the list. Woman seduces and enslaves another woman. Well done, well-executed, and I liked the 'sudsy' induction. If I were to criticize, I would say that all the characters were a bit stock, and there were no surprises. Also, this is a pet peeve of mine because it's something I hate in my own writing and am trying to eliminate; kill the adverbs, kill them quickly, silently, mercilessly, endlessly. But, again, it worked, and I liked it. It just wasn't my favorite.

Finally, my favorite, Gospel by Iago. Yes, its an H.P. Lovecraft rip-off, even mentioning C'Thulu at one point, and there is the descent into mindless insanity as more of the truth is revealed. In my defense, I offer a few points: 1. MC Erotica is about losing control which this story does better than any of the other nominees. 2. For me, the eroticism of an MC story is often found in how far this loss of control can go, especially when that line between consensuality and non-consensuality becomes fuzzy, and the story is a haze of that line for much of its length, 3. The writing is ornate and lush and never once did it do something that broke my suspension-of-disbelief. For example:

I was very careful, Beatrice, making sure that no soul suspected what truly went on in that room... the hours of chanting... the silver pendant which I held carefully before my eyes, so as to allow the rubied eye of Ash’ra to swallow all of my thoughts. No one knew that once I was fully entranced, I donned the pendant and knelt to the floor, setting the diary before me, its pages open to segments describing the many ceremonies of Soul-Giving...

It became easy to hypnotize myself, Beatrice, especially once I indulged in the pretense that I took part in genuine Yduiric ceremonies, beckoned into dark caves by alluring, nude acolytes, joining hands with fellow slave-sisters already bewitched by the harmonies of prayer. These lush, hedonic visions saw familiar faces among the congregation – students and colleagues of mine who had heard the call of Ash’ra and were just as eager to surrender their souls to Her. I was especially enamored with Priestess, who whispered so hauntingly of our obedience and bliss... whose rose-colored lips and scintillating green eyes bore such eerie resemblance to Ms. Morgan’s. It was she who opened our minds and our thoughts, even as stygian shadows stirred and writhed all around us.

I no longer had need of sleep, Beatrice. I prayed. I dreamed.

There's some Edgar Allen Poe in there too.

For me, this wasn't a close call. I enjoyed all but one of the stories, and Iago's was the clear choice: Self-contained, superior writing, a well-described fantasy descent into mindlessness at the hands of a merciless god, and a twist which I wondered at in the beginning of the story but forgot because the story was so good and all I cared about was the ride.

Now, having said all those things, I have no desire to hurt anyone's feelings, and if you think I'm dangerously and maliciously wrong, I have a response; if your belief is an honest one, you are correct. My opinion has no intrinsic value above yours. Because I say it does not make it so.

I will go a step further. If I am being malicious, cruel or dishonest in my opinions, I'm doing all those things to myself. The reason is that I'm writing these reviews for myself because I want to improve my understanding of my own writing. If I'm in any way dishonest, I'm pushing myself further away from my goal of getting good enough that I will have the confidence to put it out there for other people to see.

Why then, you may ask, if I'm doing this for yourself, do I put this on a blog for everyone to see? Good question. I am awful at giving feedback, and for a long, long time, I never gave any. Then, I started doing photo manipulations, and I learned how much of a thrill it was to get compliments. They are most assuredly like a drug and encouraged me to make more. Here's the rub, though, everyone was nice. No one ever criticized, and after a while, it became a guessing game where I attempted to infer, based on the number of comments, which pictures people liked and didn't like. For a number of reasons, this is pure guesswork, and I was left where I started with my own head and my own assessment. I began to hope for an honest, constructive criticism of something I'd done, but it has yet to arrive.

I consider myself weird, and considering what pushes my sexual buttons, I think I'm right. Simultaneously, I don't believe I'm so weird that I'm alone on the planet in my desire to get an honest assessment. One which indicates thought, benevolence and a desire to see improvement for the most honest and selfish of reasons: I want to see good stuff and more of it, especially from me. So, if I've angered you in what I've said, at least consider that my motives are what I've described them to be, and if you still disagree with my assessment, please fire away and tell me why. If you think I'm being malicious or dishonest, fire away on that as well and please give me reasons why you believe it.

Greens are tomorrow.