Since this is my favorite twist within this particular kink, I expected to be torn by the stories here more than I was, but like red yesterday, I had a clear favorite, and again, I didn't think this was a close call.
What was interesting was the difference in the length and ambitions of the stories. With the greens, the longest was 7433 words, compared to Madam K's 74,000 word entry in red. The shortest red was 4464 words, which was longer than all but one of the greens.
First up, Homecoming by sara castle. A cyberpunk adventure with an MC twist. I like the idea of man-machine conflict and the cold machine overwhelming all passion and humanity by relentless assault. The trouble I had was that there wasn't anything behind the machine, it didn't want anything as best I could tell. I may have missed something since this story is part of a larger universe, and if I'd read the other stories, I might've understood things better. As a self-contained piece, I was missing too much.
Second was again by sara castle, Trinary. A prisoner, perhaps some sort of unearthed, ancient being, is being studied and programmed by a pair of scientists who are having a sexual relationship. As the two try to understand and control the prisoner, the brain patterns of the woman are being inserted into the creature's mind. So, the prisoner is taking on the emotions and motivations of the woman.
It was interesting to see the emotions of the prisoner rise as she received the patterns, but for me, the climax of the story was too quick and was hardly a struggle which disappointed me since the story was building towards that moment from the first paragraph then it happened without paying off what I believed it had promised. This is a rare occasion where I'd like to have seen the story be much, much longer. The idea is interesting, and I don't believe it got room to breathe.
Third was Bound by Name and Blood from Bad Penny. A fantasy about a man who ignores a time honored rule about travelling under the new moon and is captured by three magical, female creatures who are called Fair Ones. They dress the wounds which resulted from being thrown by his horse and give him food and drink. However, they ask for something in return.
The headstrong fellow ignores wisdom handed down to him, and it costs him far, far more than he could imagine. The difference here is what it costs and how the price is extracted. The writing was good, but I never felt for any of the characters. I had a little difficulty keeping track of the three women, and they had little to distinguish themselves from each other. All in all, not much for me to say. It is what it is, and I accept it and like it for that.
Fourth was the official winner, Chain of Command by HypnoticEye. An enormous conspiracy to give women the power to control and subjugate men. Ironically, the women are being controlled and modified to do this.
Huge Mind Control Conspiracies(tm) have been around a loooong time in EMC, and this one works pretty well. The inductions are good, and the small twist of one of the enslaved men being the source for the method by which women are gaining power over men was interesting. Like Bound by Name and Blood above, it is what it is, and I liked it for that. I thought it was better executed than Bound by Name and Blood, and that's why I prefer it, although I believe it could use another pass of editing, starting with the first paragraph.
The pretty, dark haired girl sat quietly on the subway, staring unblinkingly straight ahead, and ignoring the crowds sitting on either side. Only out of college for a few months, she still dressed like a typical college co-ed -- tight-fitting tank top and a denim mini-skirt that rose to mid-thigh. And of course, this being the New York subway, two white cords draped across her breasts running from the IPod in her left hand to the ear phones she was wearing.
I would drop the first sentence because not two paragraphs later, this happens:
The girl's eyes were glassy and her mouth hung open slightly. She barely moved, and even her breathing was nearly stilled. The only thing that mattered was the voice in her earphones, a voice that was expanding her mind with truths she had always known but never realized.
The story's four paragraphs old, and it's repeating itself. I would suggest making two paragraphs: one to describe her then one to describe what's happening to her.
Finally, my favorite: Trailer Park Tango by Gasman. A trailer-trash girl gets her hands on a magic pen and uses it to get revenge on the captain of the football team by rewriting his personality with it while he's forced to watch and feel it happen.
I have to admit, this is pretty spicy. This girl takes the guy apart, and turns him into a slave to the new desires she's writing into him:
This time she didn't even wait until she'd finished writing to look up. And this one was a firm, stern look: her eyes trying to bore through me. Oh please, who did she think she was? Again the itch in my brain stopped me from concentrating for a moment. Did she really think those smoldering green eyes staring into me would have any effect? Maybe it did make her seem kind of sexy... powerful even, but she wasn't going to get me to do anything just because of that. My arm twitched this time, almost trying to scratch the tickling sensation that was keeping me from focusing...
scritch
"Tut-tut, Mikey. Didn't anyone bother ta tell ya that it's not nice to stare at a woman without permission?" admonished Daisy as my heart resumed pounding, but with a new rhythm, one that was equal parts fear and excitement. "Be a good boy and see if ya can't tear them eyes away from mine for a bit. Feel free to have a look at the rest o' me, though. Ah kinda like the idea o' that horny mind o' yours gettin' that nice big cock all hard because o' li'l ol' me..."
Like the two previous stories, it is what it is, but this one is a top-of-the-line version. The clear winner in my mind.
In the end, there was a interesting dichotomy between the 3 'stroke' stories and Sara Castle's two. Her stories were far more ambitious story-telling wise and were superior to the stroke stories, with the exception of Trailer Park Tango, in craft. So, I'm left with the literary critic's last resort: Her stories are well-crafted, but I do not like them.
I was also surprised, as a class, how much better red was than green. I plan on writing about this later.
Back tomorrow with yellow.
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